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41) Am I Zen Yet?
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Andy Williams. Yoga. Twitter. Costco.
What do these things have in common?
Well, at one time or another, I blogged something about each of them. As a writer, you are often told to write what you know. This should tell you a lot about how glamorous and exciting this writer's life is.
I've put together a number of short essays on these and other fascinating subjects, most of them previously published on one of my blogs, and am offering them as a...
42) Dating Your Mom
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From the opening essay, "The Bloomsbury Group Live at the Apollo (Liner Notes from the New Best-Selling Album)" to the title piece that discusses ways in which you might begin a romance with your mother ("In today's fast-moving, transient, rootless society, where people meet and make love and part without ever really touching, the relationship every guy already has with his own mother is too valuable to ignore...") to a parody that features Samuel...
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Jesus Christ, time traveling trip to 21st Century New Jersey, walks into a bar, and confesses his "Daddy Issues" to a customer who asks him what he does. Jesus tries to explain, and soon loses his cool.
So, too, do the Buddha and Mahatma Gandhi, who also time travel to 21st Century New York, only to discover that, no matter how big your Daddy was, or how serious your Daddy issues are, it is not easy to impress a New Yorker to recognize their seriousness,...
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Become a moist meat master with this giggle-inducing (and actually delicious) cookbook packed, until bursting, with 50 grilling favorites you can fork with. Stop jerkin' it in private, it's time to get off the couch and start sharing your meat with everyone. This Kama Sutra of cookbooks is overstuffed with the important BBQ techniques you need to know to keep your partygoers begging for more. Learn everything from how to maintain that low-and-slow...
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A baby book with a grown-up twist.
Since babies don't understand a word being read to them, why not give their weary parents a break with some laugh therapy and commiseration? In this clever incarnation of a baby book of new words, the art is baby oriented, while the text is grown-up hilarious: "This is a house. It's a lot like the one we had to remortgage to pay for your daycare." Of course, as a baby book, it has to end sweetly: "These are mountains....
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Once upon a time Fairy Tales were wild and thrilling. Then, the Great Appropriator, riding his steed of blandness, tore them from their dark, mysterious homes and transplanted them to his bright, sterile studio where he bathed them in Technicolor, painted big eyes on their faces, and made them sing sappy songs. No longer did Cinderella's sisters have their eyes plucked out; no longer was Snow White's stepmother forced to dance in heated iron until...
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Presenting laugh-out-loud stories for lovers of absurd comedy, featuring an eccentric cast of characters including Derek Organ: Private Investigator, Lionel the Moth, Roman slave Servus Minimus, the Battlefield Masseur, ambulance chaser Bradley Scherp, the Incredibly Delusional Shrinking Man, Compound Fracture the Clown, and of course, the Dancer on the Ceiling.
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Are you worried sick? If not, maybe you should be. Because a pair of drawstring sweatpants could bring about your most embarrassing moment. And, a toothpick in your sandwich can be the deadliest of weapons. Including hundreds of bizarre-but-true things that can get you, this compact volume will induce nervous page flipping and make even the most snug and secure folks bona fide paranoiacs. Chilling black and white photographs document the everyday...
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Wally Nichols is an advice columnist for a regional upstate paper. It's not exactly advice, though- at least not in the 'Dear Abbey' sense. This is up on a soapbox/ bully pulpit material that is sometimes salty, sometimes very funny, sometimes clever, sometimes humble, sometimes appreciative, sometimes observant. This is a collection of the best 50 over 3-year span. They are all short enough to read in the John, the bedroom, or the beach.
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Just in time for Comic-Con comes the investigative romp through the conventions industry! Conventions. Tradeshows. Expos. Every profession and obsession has them. We select hot tubs, handguns, the best Wonder Woman costume and even our presidential contenders at these neo-tribal gatherings where commerce and communalism collide. With a tanking economy and looming layoffs, lapsed-fanboy Bob Calhoun sets out on a quest through the temporary worlds created...
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From the author of The Portable Curmudgeon, a delicious, witty, irreverent A to Z guide to the tics, twitches and safety-valves that characterize our twisted, neurotic modern world.
We live in an Age of Anxiety. The events of modern life have overwhelmed the average homo sapiens until getting from Point A to Point B without being overcome by neuroses is a practical impossibility. Enter, the comic safety valve. Jon Winokur's Encyclopedia Neurotica...
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From the writer who brought you a social worker who solves murders (Death in Sioux Lookout) and a psychiatrist who turns into a gorilla to solve a case (The Love Duology) comes another completely original work. In the early eighties a young social worker named Richard Schwindt decided to do something never done before (or since) and satirize his profession. For ten years, writing in OAPSW Newsmagazine Schwindt regaled and horrified colleagues with...
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Profane, provocative and pissed-off! From colonoscopies to school choice, In Case of Laughter, Break Glass: The Recession Essays is more than a collection of funny, emotional essays. They will, of all things, make you think - if you are so inclined. Preface Like most people motivated by fear, I am afraid of everything. My most dreaded fear is that if I stop being creative...I'll die. So when the Great Recession of 2007 hit, I started writing essays,...
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From night-driving over the Sierra Nevada mountains in a torrential rainstorm to water trough repairs that go alarmingly awry, from cowboys hooked on soap operas to livestock miscalculations that wind up on national television, Dave Stamey, singer-songwriter, humorist and curmudgeon-in-training, offers a collection of stories, essays and observations about surviving in today's rural American West.
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Celia Rivenbark's essays about life in today's South are like caramel popcorn- sweet, salty, and utterly irresistible
Celia Rivenbark is a master at summing up the South in all its glorious excesses and contradictions. In this collection of screamingly funny essays, you'll discover:
* How to get your kid into a character breakfast at Disneyworld (or run the risk of eating chicken out of a bucket with Sneezy)
* Secrets of Celebrity Moms (don't...
57) Hey Gary
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A collection of dumb things the writer texted to his friend, Gary. Gary did not listen to any of these suggestions. You probably did not even read them. That's Gary for you. It is a dust devil of absurdist ideas and configurations. This could be the kind of book you need to read if you are waiting for the volcano to erupt. Author Jeffrey Campbell read some of this book and gave this blurb that's good enough to be on the cover, "Yeah. I think this...
58) Putin Down Putin
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Enduring the last several months of Russia's attacks on Ukraine has been a catastrophe to the Ukrainian people and their relatives in Russia. PUTIN DOWN PUTIN has been originated as a way to bring discontent and misery to President Putin for the terrible murders and destruction he has inflicted in Ukraine. This book promotes a Consumers household and clothing trade-in program to send modern products to disadvantaged countries such as Ukraine to boost...
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I don't pretend to be any kind of historian. These stories are just that. In my family back in West Virginia, any story that dickered
with the truth was considered to be a yarn. It was intended to be just passed on down to a group of rapt youngsters. These stories do however reflect the life of a young whippersnapper living in a small town in the middle of 20th-century America,
and could be a sort of chronicle of same. To witness my yarns all...
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Required reading from great poets of our time. Drew Barrymore: "Upon Pondering Breasts." Tom Cruise: "An Exegesis on Psychiatry." Ann Coulter: "My Kind of Fun." And Trump and Sheen and Snooki, John Boehner and Michelle Bachman, Miley and Ke$ha. Hugo Chavez. Even a Zen haiku by Emmitt Smith:
I think it's his self-
confidence in himself that
makes him confident.
With their great gift for curating the inane public utterances of celebrities,...
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